That Trans Survey, part 4 of n
May. 21st, 2010 04:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
timWhat is this, and why am I posting it?
No particularly graphic or sensitive details behind the cut this time.
Which transgender or gender-variant people are you aware of who have been featured in the media?
Chaz Bono, Thomas Beattie, and Stu Rasmussen are ones who have been featured recently.
Do you feel transgender people are accurately portrayed in the media?
No.
Have you shared your transgender or genderqueer identity with your friends, family, and others? What was coming out like for you? Do you come out to new people you meet? If so, how do you do this?
Yes; I had to share my transsexuality with everyone in order to request that they treat me as a guy. Coming out as trans was challenging. I felt like I was crossing a boundary by sharing a very intimate fact about myself with people I didn't necessarily know intimately. That the English language forced me to choose between exposing myself to an uncomfortable degree or continuing to deny my identity didn't make this choice feel any more comfortable. And every time I met someone new, I had to decide whether I'd correct them if they used the wrong pronouns, and what I'd say if they took the correction as a reason to quiz me about my gender.
Now that people generally read my gender correctly based on my appearance, I'm comfortable coming out as trans when it's relevant, but don't go out of my way to mention it otherwise. Sometimes not coming out as trans gives me the opportunity to listen to conversations that self-styled sensitive liberal cis people wouldn't have in front of a trans person. When I find it advantageous to come out (for example, if I'm citing my experience being treated as a woman during a conversation about sexism), I generally don't hesitate to use phrases like "before I transitioned" or "back when I was presenting as female".
Many transgender people come out as lesbian or gay earlier in their lives. Was this the case for you? How was your second transition similar or different from your first?
I came out as bisexual about six months before coming out to myself as genderqueer. Both being bi and being genderqueer felt like non-events: I was dating someone of the opposite perceived gender and planning to marry him, so my bisexuality seemed invisible and like something that was too sexual to mention to people I didn't know well (somehow, mentioning I was engaged to a man *didn't* seem like something too sexual to mention). Being genderqueer was similar: in general I could never convince myself that having others know I wasn't a woman was important enough to me to justify the social disruption that coming out as genderqueer could cause. Transitioning to male was much more significant. As soon as I had a readily understood word for what I was -- a man -- I felt like I could let people know who I was and how I needed to be treated without having to back myself up with a lecture or a sermon.
Do you now or have you ever lived in a “grey zone” between genders, either by choice or by necessity? What is or was this like?
I lived in one internally -- in that I saw myself as neither male nor female, from when I realized that not being a woman was an option, at 18, to coming out as a trans man, at 26. But I don't think anyone ever perceived me that way.
What methods have you used to “pass” or to be seen by others as your chosen gender?
When I started presenting as male, I cut my longer-than-shoulder-length hair since it was the only physical attribute I could change right away. I wore baggy shirts almost all the time until I could get top surgery. I got big nerdy glasses frames. Wearing a baseball cap somehow seemed to send people's perceptions of me straight to "male". Before my voice changed as a result of testosterone, I made a point out of speaking in as low a register as I could.
Note: after filling out the survey, I realized I should have mentioned that the only notion of 'passing' that makes any sense to me is the notion of passing as a cisgender guy. I don't have to pass as a man -- I am one. My answer related to being read correctly as male, not to passing. My mistake.
What social interactions have been easy or difficult for you in your chosen gender? What are your new male or female spaces, such as bathrooms or friend circles, like for you?
I haven't found anything socially difficult as a guy except for feeling I need to take more care about interrupting or talking over women in conversations. I don't want to be That Guy. Cutting off "other women" didn't matter to me when I was perceived as one. Sometimes women who don't know I'm trans assume I won't understand things like bras, or whether women can enjoy anal sex, or what it's like to walk around alone at night while being perceived as female. It's awkward every time I have to ask myself whether it's worthwhile to explain that I do understand or whether I should just pretend I don't. And before I make sexual comments in a multi-gender space, I have to remind myself that I risk being the creepy guy who makes women feel unwelcome (since what matters is how any women in earshot perceive my comments, not how I mean them) because I can no longer be seen as that edgy subversive girl who revels in her empowered sexuality.
When I switched over to male I also switched over to an almost entirely male friend circle as a result of starting a computer science Ph.D program for the second time. I attended a women's college, and so durng my early adulthood, most of my friends were women. It was a bit of a switch to go from being the one who didn't harp much on feelings and would always prioritize a good joke ahead of sensitivity to being the one who never seemed to pick up on sarcasm and would always be earnest when others were being nihilistic.
No particularly graphic or sensitive details behind the cut this time.
Which transgender or gender-variant people are you aware of who have been featured in the media?
Chaz Bono, Thomas Beattie, and Stu Rasmussen are ones who have been featured recently.
Do you feel transgender people are accurately portrayed in the media?
No.
Have you shared your transgender or genderqueer identity with your friends, family, and others? What was coming out like for you? Do you come out to new people you meet? If so, how do you do this?
Yes; I had to share my transsexuality with everyone in order to request that they treat me as a guy. Coming out as trans was challenging. I felt like I was crossing a boundary by sharing a very intimate fact about myself with people I didn't necessarily know intimately. That the English language forced me to choose between exposing myself to an uncomfortable degree or continuing to deny my identity didn't make this choice feel any more comfortable. And every time I met someone new, I had to decide whether I'd correct them if they used the wrong pronouns, and what I'd say if they took the correction as a reason to quiz me about my gender.
Now that people generally read my gender correctly based on my appearance, I'm comfortable coming out as trans when it's relevant, but don't go out of my way to mention it otherwise. Sometimes not coming out as trans gives me the opportunity to listen to conversations that self-styled sensitive liberal cis people wouldn't have in front of a trans person. When I find it advantageous to come out (for example, if I'm citing my experience being treated as a woman during a conversation about sexism), I generally don't hesitate to use phrases like "before I transitioned" or "back when I was presenting as female".
Many transgender people come out as lesbian or gay earlier in their lives. Was this the case for you? How was your second transition similar or different from your first?
I came out as bisexual about six months before coming out to myself as genderqueer. Both being bi and being genderqueer felt like non-events: I was dating someone of the opposite perceived gender and planning to marry him, so my bisexuality seemed invisible and like something that was too sexual to mention to people I didn't know well (somehow, mentioning I was engaged to a man *didn't* seem like something too sexual to mention). Being genderqueer was similar: in general I could never convince myself that having others know I wasn't a woman was important enough to me to justify the social disruption that coming out as genderqueer could cause. Transitioning to male was much more significant. As soon as I had a readily understood word for what I was -- a man -- I felt like I could let people know who I was and how I needed to be treated without having to back myself up with a lecture or a sermon.
Do you now or have you ever lived in a “grey zone” between genders, either by choice or by necessity? What is or was this like?
I lived in one internally -- in that I saw myself as neither male nor female, from when I realized that not being a woman was an option, at 18, to coming out as a trans man, at 26. But I don't think anyone ever perceived me that way.
What methods have you used to “pass” or to be seen by others as your chosen gender?
When I started presenting as male, I cut my longer-than-shoulder-length hair since it was the only physical attribute I could change right away. I wore baggy shirts almost all the time until I could get top surgery. I got big nerdy glasses frames. Wearing a baseball cap somehow seemed to send people's perceptions of me straight to "male". Before my voice changed as a result of testosterone, I made a point out of speaking in as low a register as I could.
Note: after filling out the survey, I realized I should have mentioned that the only notion of 'passing' that makes any sense to me is the notion of passing as a cisgender guy. I don't have to pass as a man -- I am one. My answer related to being read correctly as male, not to passing. My mistake.
What social interactions have been easy or difficult for you in your chosen gender? What are your new male or female spaces, such as bathrooms or friend circles, like for you?
I haven't found anything socially difficult as a guy except for feeling I need to take more care about interrupting or talking over women in conversations. I don't want to be That Guy. Cutting off "other women" didn't matter to me when I was perceived as one. Sometimes women who don't know I'm trans assume I won't understand things like bras, or whether women can enjoy anal sex, or what it's like to walk around alone at night while being perceived as female. It's awkward every time I have to ask myself whether it's worthwhile to explain that I do understand or whether I should just pretend I don't. And before I make sexual comments in a multi-gender space, I have to remind myself that I risk being the creepy guy who makes women feel unwelcome (since what matters is how any women in earshot perceive my comments, not how I mean them) because I can no longer be seen as that edgy subversive girl who revels in her empowered sexuality.
When I switched over to male I also switched over to an almost entirely male friend circle as a result of starting a computer science Ph.D program for the second time. I attended a women's college, and so durng my early adulthood, most of my friends were women. It was a bit of a switch to go from being the one who didn't harp much on feelings and would always prioritize a good joke ahead of sensitivity to being the one who never seemed to pick up on sarcasm and would always be earnest when others were being nihilistic.
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Bathroom
Date: 2010-05-22 10:20 am (UTC)It didn't occur to me until I read the last question that transitioning would involve such changes to one's life. I can remember accidentally walking into the lady's room on several occasions. Very embarrassing! What was it like the first time to walk into the men's room on purpose?
BTW, being a naive cis-guy, I'm learning a lot. Thanks!
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