You are part of the problem.

[tim]

A Facebook friend linked to this blog post about why you're not a feminist if you think breast-feeding women should cover up, which I liked. So I read some other posts on the same blog. A post with the title "Pink, feminism and gender cues" caught my eye, because pink and feminism are both things that I love. Lo and behold, we have soi-disant feminists writing comments like:

"My son likes pink too. I think society has already gotten to him because he knows the difference between boys clothes and girls clothes. We do buy him pink shirts when they are available in the boys section (e.g. pink polo shirt from Old Navy), but I have found myself wanting to curb his interest in girl stuff in the past out of a fear of him being made fun of." (the author)

"I try to gently encourage more gender appropriate choices for his own protection." (commenter "Rebecca")

"My son always seems to grab for the pink sparkly shoes in stores too. Eh, I just tell him they’re for girls. I am comfortable enough in my status as a feminist that it doesn’t bother me to say it." (commenter "Lynn")

And so on. Does it occur to these people that by denying their sons pink sparkly stuff for their own "protection", they're perpetuating the social norms that make it dangerous for a little boy to wear pink? After all, if more of those boys got to wear pink, they'd be a harder target for bullying (safety in numbers, as well as normalization of what's currently considered transgressive). Does it occur to them that they're creating potential bullies who may pick on smaller boys later because those boys are getting to wear the pink stuff that they themselves were denied when they wanted it?

Does it occur to them that maybe, just maybe, they're acting not so much out of desire to protect their child as desire to protect themselves from possible discomfort and embarrassment resulting from appearing in public as the parent of a little boy wearing a pink tutu?

In conclusion: no, you are not a feminist if you tell your son he can't have something because it's for girls, any more than if you tell your daughter she can't have something because it's for boys.

Comments

[wkfauna.livejournal.com]

I've been trying for a long time to decide what I think on the subject of public breastfeeding. I don't generally care, but there are instances when I think it's inappropriate, particularly in restaurants. There are many other similarly inappropriate behaviors that I could avoid being subjected to if only I averted my eyes, but I think that it doesn't make the behaviors any less inappropriate (things like picking one's nose, etc).

So do you by extension think that it is not feminist to think that non-nursing women should cover their breasts in public? Because I don't buy the "nursing breasts are special because they are being used for something NATURAL" line of reasoning.

[juli]

Thank you, especially for the comment about creating bullies. Children who are "protected" and "corrected" from transgression tend to want to "help" other children in turn. Sigh.

[shemale]

sounds pretty feminist to me, actually

[eriktrips]

I am comfortable enough in my status as a feminist

what does this mean? she has tenure as a feminist and so now she can do stupid things without being fired? she's earned her dues? or feminism has done all it needs to do to make her comfortable and so she's not willing to give that comfort up especially where feminism--ideally, at least--might ask her to do so?

[rebbyribs.livejournal.com]

I think that part of raising a child is teaching them the social norms of the culture, so that he or she is later able to make the choice to conform or not.

I guess it seems to me that there's an age (toddler) when boys can wear sparkly tutus and it's cute and most people wouldn't think twice about it. My 3-year-old still doesn't know how to tell boys and girls apart and seems to use gender terms pretty interchangeably. But it seems like school-aged kids go through a phase of having pretty defined gender roles and mostly same-sex friendships. It seems to me that peer influence is really big then, and that it's a time when kids haven't developed all that much capacity for critical thinking. I would hope that anyone who identifies as a feminist would talk to their kids more about gender as they get older and encourage them to think beyond the social norms.