I think it was wrong for me to make my snippy comment because: - I was so uncomfortable with having been accused (not even directly, since certainly no one knew at first who wrote the comment on the blackboard) of racism that I was more concerned with defending myself than with listening to what the accusers were saying and thinking about what experiences they might have had that would lead them to interpret the blackboard comment the way they did. And I think that's a form of racism: my need to see myself as non-racist took precedence over, well, thinking, and feeling. - Maybe even more importantly, I failed to come forward and explain my position, which probably would have changed the discussion, because I was so afraid of being *directly* accused of racism. If I had said, for example, "hey folks, I wrote that thing, and I really didn't know whose party it was and I was just upset about being kept awake and I'm sorry for not thinking about the implications of my words", people might have realized that there was a bit of a misunderstanding or they might have then accused me of being disingenuous. But it was wrong for me to be so afraid to face the latter accusation that I couldn't try to make amends.
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Date: 2009-07-22 08:44 pm (UTC)- I was so uncomfortable with having been accused (not even directly, since certainly no one knew at first who wrote the comment on the blackboard) of racism that I was more concerned with defending myself than with listening to what the accusers were saying and thinking about what experiences they might have had that would lead them to interpret the blackboard comment the way they did. And I think that's a form of racism: my need to see myself as non-racist took precedence over, well, thinking, and feeling.
- Maybe even more importantly, I failed to come forward and explain my position, which probably would have changed the discussion, because I was so afraid of being *directly* accused of racism. If I had said, for example, "hey folks, I wrote that thing, and I really didn't know whose party it was and I was just upset about being kept awake and I'm sorry for not thinking about the implications of my words", people might have realized that there was a bit of a misunderstanding or they might have then accused me of being disingenuous. But it was wrong for me to be so afraid to face the latter accusation that I couldn't try to make amends.