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You are part of the problem.
Jan. 28th, 2010 05:30 pmA Facebook friend linked to this blog post about why you're not a feminist if you think breast-feeding women should cover up, which I liked. So I read some other posts on the same blog. A post with the title "Pink, feminism and gender cues" caught my eye, because pink and feminism are both things that I love. Lo and behold, we have soi-disant feminists writing comments like:
"My son likes pink too. I think society has already gotten to him because he knows the difference between boys clothes and girls clothes. We do buy him pink shirts when they are available in the boys section (e.g. pink polo shirt from Old Navy), but I have found myself wanting to curb his interest in girl stuff in the past out of a fear of him being made fun of." (the author)
"I try to gently encourage more gender appropriate choices for his own protection." (commenter "Rebecca")
"My son always seems to grab for the pink sparkly shoes in stores too. Eh, I just tell him they’re for girls. I am comfortable enough in my status as a feminist that it doesn’t bother me to say it." (commenter "Lynn")
And so on. Does it occur to these people that by denying their sons pink sparkly stuff for their own "protection", they're perpetuating the social norms that make it dangerous for a little boy to wear pink? After all, if more of those boys got to wear pink, they'd be a harder target for bullying (safety in numbers, as well as normalization of what's currently considered transgressive). Does it occur to them that they're creating potential bullies who may pick on smaller boys later because those boys are getting to wear the pink stuff that they themselves were denied when they wanted it?
Does it occur to them that maybe, just maybe, they're acting not so much out of desire to protect their child as desire to protect themselves from possible discomfort and embarrassment resulting from appearing in public as the parent of a little boy wearing a pink tutu?
In conclusion: no, you are not a feminist if you tell your son he can't have something because it's for girls, any more than if you tell your daughter she can't have something because it's for boys.
"My son likes pink too. I think society has already gotten to him because he knows the difference between boys clothes and girls clothes. We do buy him pink shirts when they are available in the boys section (e.g. pink polo shirt from Old Navy), but I have found myself wanting to curb his interest in girl stuff in the past out of a fear of him being made fun of." (the author)
"I try to gently encourage more gender appropriate choices for his own protection." (commenter "Rebecca")
"My son always seems to grab for the pink sparkly shoes in stores too. Eh, I just tell him they’re for girls. I am comfortable enough in my status as a feminist that it doesn’t bother me to say it." (commenter "Lynn")
And so on. Does it occur to these people that by denying their sons pink sparkly stuff for their own "protection", they're perpetuating the social norms that make it dangerous for a little boy to wear pink? After all, if more of those boys got to wear pink, they'd be a harder target for bullying (safety in numbers, as well as normalization of what's currently considered transgressive). Does it occur to them that they're creating potential bullies who may pick on smaller boys later because those boys are getting to wear the pink stuff that they themselves were denied when they wanted it?
Does it occur to them that maybe, just maybe, they're acting not so much out of desire to protect their child as desire to protect themselves from possible discomfort and embarrassment resulting from appearing in public as the parent of a little boy wearing a pink tutu?
In conclusion: no, you are not a feminist if you tell your son he can't have something because it's for girls, any more than if you tell your daughter she can't have something because it's for boys.