Yeah... I've been talking about Guessing vs. Asking less lately-- and trying to link to the original MetaFilter comment rather than a damn thinkpiece when I do-- for pretty much exactly these reasons. I've moved around enough that I do end up talking about regional differences a lot, but the way this has morphed over the years into yet another set of personality types out of which one is preferred is... insidious, I guess, even if accidentally so.
Like, on the one hand it's true that on the East Coast casually saying no to invitations is normal and fine in a way that it isn't in the Midwest. But one of the most Guessy people I've been close to I met on (and is from) the East Coast-- and, big surprise, her fear of asking for anything that wasn't already guaranteed had everything to do with abuse during childhood.
So, yeah, this goes in the same bucket as the suggestion that women not being promoted within an organization is the effect, women not talking themselves up is the cause, and it's not worth looking at the situation beyond that. Or all the head-shaking over "foolish" behavior that's actually survival tactics you learn when you grow up in inescapable poverty.
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Date: 2016-08-10 09:59 pm (UTC)Like, on the one hand it's true that on the East Coast casually saying no to invitations is normal and fine in a way that it isn't in the Midwest. But one of the most Guessy people I've been close to I met on (and is from) the East Coast-- and, big surprise, her fear of asking for anything that wasn't already guaranteed had everything to do with abuse during childhood.
So, yeah, this goes in the same bucket as the suggestion that women not being promoted within an organization is the effect, women not talking themselves up is the cause, and it's not worth looking at the situation beyond that. Or all the head-shaking over "foolish" behavior that's actually survival tactics you learn when you grow up in inescapable poverty.