There are a couple of solutions: use gender-neutral pronouns ("they/their" works best for me when I don't know of someone's preference; there's also "ze/hir"); or just circumvent pronouns until you hear someone else (who knows the person better) talking about them.
If you are going to assume a set of (gendered) pronouns, you're much less likely to piss someone off if you attribute gender based on their presentation than if you do it based on your perception of their body. You might get it wrong if you assume someone wearing a skirt and heels is "she", but the person will probably generally be less hurt and annoyed than if you assume "he" for a similarly dressed person who's a woman. It's better to be misunderstood for something you chose to do (put on a skirt) than over something you have much less control over (your body shape).
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Date: 2010-09-02 06:44 pm (UTC)If you are going to assume a set of (gendered) pronouns, you're much less likely to piss someone off if you attribute gender based on their presentation than if you do it based on your perception of their body. You might get it wrong if you assume someone wearing a skirt and heels is "she", but the person will probably generally be less hurt and annoyed than if you assume "he" for a similarly dressed person who's a woman. It's better to be misunderstood for something you chose to do (put on a skirt) than over something you have much less control over (your body shape).