When you say "because it was the right space for me," I have a glimmer of a notion about what you mean, thanks to your blog entries up to now. However, in this context, I find it difficult to deeply comprehend what it means. I think I would have to interrogate you for a while before I really understood. :)
I may have made it sound more complicated than it was. It was really more a matter of "well, if I think of myself as a guy, I ought to be walking into the door marked 'men', and there's no time like the present." I was also trying to distinguish *that* moment from times in the past when I'd used the men's room in a "fuck this, I'm not standing in line for half an hour, try and make me care" moment.
Of course, I say "upheaval" because it's amazing and large to me.
Well, there's a reason why (I think it was) Aaron Raz Link wrote that when a trans person transitions, the people who are *actually* transitioning are the people around them. Most of the upheaval really is brought about by other people's reactions. I had a couple of months of "do I really want to do this?" but that was really more about cutting through the denial to find the identity that was obviously there than about searching for identity.
I don't know what examples are likely to ring true for you, but you know the difference between quitting a job that's making you miserable and you've just been making excuses to avoid admitting that to yourself (you can't quit because you're about to get a raise, about to get a security clearance, what would your partner do without the extra income, there's so much social status attached to this job...), and being in your teens or early twenties having no idea what career you want to pursue and feeling like any choice forecloses other options? Transitioning is more like the first.
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Re: Bathroom
Date: 2010-05-22 03:37 pm (UTC)I may have made it sound more complicated than it was. It was really more a matter of "well, if I think of myself as a guy, I ought to be walking into the door marked 'men', and there's no time like the present." I was also trying to distinguish *that* moment from times in the past when I'd used the men's room in a "fuck this, I'm not standing in line for half an hour, try and make me care" moment.
Of course, I say "upheaval" because it's amazing and large to me.
Well, there's a reason why (I think it was) Aaron Raz Link wrote that when a trans person transitions, the people who are *actually* transitioning are the people around them. Most of the upheaval really is brought about by other people's reactions. I had a couple of months of "do I really want to do this?" but that was really more about cutting through the denial to find the identity that was obviously there than about searching for identity.
I don't know what examples are likely to ring true for you, but you know the difference between quitting a job that's making you miserable and you've just been making excuses to avoid admitting that to yourself (you can't quit because you're about to get a raise, about to get a security clearance, what would your partner do without the extra income, there's so much social status attached to this job...), and being in your teens or early twenties having no idea what career you want to pursue and feeling like any choice forecloses other options? Transitioning is more like the first.