tim: Mike Slackernerny thinking "Scientific progress never smelled better" (science)
[personal profile] tim
Remember when I posted about having surgery? Well, I had surgery. I want to try to write down what I remember about it before I forget, primarily for the benefit of other people who might be considering getting meta. I'm not sure how much interest it will have for anyone else, but I can never predict what someone else will find interesting. Finally, this post contains TMI but more of the "gross" sort than the "sexual" sort, so you have been warned.

Saturday and Sunday, my friend G. and I enjoyed a lovely drive to LA (with a lovely stop in Santa Barbara for sunset on the beach and tacos at La Super Rica) where we stayed with [personal profile] miang and [personal profile] tcdohl. The next day, the dynamic duo had to continue with a Sisyphean Ikea-furniture-assembly task, so G. and I drove right on to Arizona, getting to Phoenix around 5:30. We had dinner with my lovely friend J. and her housemate D. (who I was meeting for the first time, but who was also delightful) at the fantastic Four Peaks Brewery in Tempe. Then we got back to the hotel (Holiday Inn & Suites, conveniently located within just blocks of a pawn shop, gun shop, bail bonds place, tattoo parlor, and adult shop, and within a short drive of a number of strip clubs) in Scottsdale, and I got to bed early enough to get 7 hours of sleep before my pre-op appointment. Oh well, I figured I was going to be asleep for most of the next day anyway...

We made it to Dr. Meltzer's office with plenty of time the next morning. My overwhelming feeling was hunger, since I couldn't eat after midnight and I wasn't scheduled for surgery till 1:30 (though I had to see Meltzer at 9). I thought that having the first appointment of the day might mean I would see Meltzer sooner, but no. First, his assistant went over the standard directions with me and gave me a bag of stuff, such as probiotics to counter the antibiotics, and some arnica tablets and cream, which she said would reduce swelling. I was skeptical about this, since it's some homeopathic stuff, and the tablets contain "no detectable amount of" the plant (although the cream does), but I decided I'd rather get reduced swelling in the best case and no effect in the worst case than choose to get smug, Reddit-skeptic-like satisfaction in the best case and extra pain in the worst case. Eventually I got to talk to Meltzer and ask him some last-minute questions. I had been wondering about what he did with the scrotum for people who weren't getting vaginectomies, but he said he joins the sides in front, just not in back, and you can't tell the difference looking at it from a distance. I also expressed a desire to get an "uncircumcised" look, and he said he usually made the penis look "circumcised" because it looked bigger that way, but it was just as easy for him to not do that. Also, I can't ride my bike for at least two weeks but maybe longer if it's still uncomfortable.

Then we went straight to the surgery center, since it was about 10:30 and I was supposed to check in there at 11:30. I got to get an early start on filling out the paperwork, and the guy working at the desk (when I said I worked for Mozilla) spent a couple of minutes talking about how great Firefox was and how he got all his friends to use it. Eventually I got called back to get my blood pressure and temperature checked (with this fancy temperature wand I'd never seen before that the nurse just waves across your forehead for 2 seconds -- first sign that I was at a classy hospital :-D) and got settled down with an IV put in. G. came back to say bye (and to take my wallet and phone for safekeeping) and then I waved him off even though it was going to be an hour and a half wait for me before I actually got taken into surgery, because I didn't want him to be bored. I turned on the little TV in my cubicle and watched some "We the People with Gloria Allred". (And that was before they gave me any drugs.) The nurse warned me that Meltzer was likely to be late for surgery because he had consultations earlier and he always liked to talk to his patients for longer than the allotted time. Which is good! I don't think they brought me into the OR till like 2:15. A fun feature of the room where I was waiting to be brought into surgery is that they supplied me with a little built-in heater that blew warm air under my gown, with a dial that I could turn to adjust it. I hadn't experienced that before either.

I'd been told in advance that they were doing the surgery with IV sedation, not general anesthesia -- so basically local anesthesia plus extra happy drugs to make me not care about what was going on, so I would be awake, but wasn't supposed to remember any of it. Well, I do remember bits and pieces of the surgery, like feeling some pinchy sensations and yelling "ow" and asking for more pain meds, and later feeling some scraping that I'm assuming was part of the mons resection. It wasn't horribly painful, but uncomfortable. If I had to do it again, I might ask for general anesthesia...

I don't really remember the recovery room or being taken to the room where I was going to stay overnight, I just remember drifting into consciousness in the latter room. G. came by to bring my overnight stuff (most of which I didn't end up using, since I couldn't get out of bed without help) and some fruit gel cups and tapioca pudding (which I thought I'd be able to eat, but I threw up afterward anyway. Probably shouldn't have eaten the whole tub of pudding.) I had one of those lovely press-me-to-get-more-drugs buttons, which I made frequent use of, and spent some time playing with my laptop and phone but mostly drifted in and out of sleep. The most uncomfortable thing by far was having a catheter in. I'm still not sure why I needed to have one, other than obviating the need for me to get up and pee, but having it in just made me feel like I needed to pee, constantly. Yet more evidence that any sort of urethra-fucking is not my kink at all. The rest of the area didn't really hurt that much except right after getting out of surgery, thanks to drugs and the ice pack I've had on my crotch for the past 28 hours or so. (Not the same ice.)

I woke up a lot, but it was a pleasant kind of fading in and out of sleep. Early in the morning, a nurse came by to remove my catheter. OMG that was the best thing ever (preceded by the worst thing ever). At some point after that, there was breakfast (fortunately preceded by some anti-nausea meds, since I'd puked a bunch of times over the course of the night), which was either quite good for hospital food or it was just that I hadn't really eaten in over 24 hours. I got to choose what I wanted from a menu using the TV remote -- again, fancy! The morning was a haze of reading Reddit and napping, and then G. came by and also the aide came by to order my lunch. Lunch was also pretty nice. It turned out they wanted to keep me in the hospital till mid-afternoon (I'd pictured leaving in the morning, though not for any real reason) and that's when Meltzer came by (he had surgery before that), just briefly, though. He said I could go back to pumping in six weeks. (Other instructions included: no sex for six weeks, no exercise or lifting anything over ten pounds for two weeks.) I had one Jackson-Pratt drain in (which is better than the two that I had for top surgery) which it turned out I was going to leave with; I get to get that removed on Thursday, hopefully (depends how much they keep draining).

G. came back to pick me up and then they let me walk to the exit without using a wheelchair (surprisingly), and we've been ensconced in the hotel ever since, which is really not bad, because I can lie in bed and read the internets and not really feel like I should be doing anything else (since the discomfort is just barely distracting enough to stop me from doing anything else). Walking is weird and uncomfortable and it's only tolerable if I walk like I just got off a horse. I hope that'll get better in a couple days. Everything's still swollen so it's hard for me to tell what it's going to look like in the end (best quote from Meltzer: "I tell people the good news is, the swelling goes down; the bad news is, the swelling goes down) -- plus, of course, I have the expanders in my scrotum but they're not expanded yet (I don't get to start doing that for 3 weeks). I guess I didn't really think about that, that not only was there the months of waiting to have surgery, it'll be a bunch more waiting before i can look in the mirror and see my body the way it's actually going to look in the long term. Right now, my dick actually just looks like I've been pumping it (plus, bruised) but Meltzer assured me that the length would stay the same as the width went down. (In case you don't know, pumping can lead to sort of an, um, marshmallow effect.) And besides, once I've done enough expanding, I'll have to come back for a second (more minor) procedure to get the permanent testicular implants put in.

I'm hoping that we'll be able to leave on Thursday instead of Saturday, since Meltzer said there was no reason to stay past the post-op visit. Also hoping I'll be able to walk more comfortably in a couple days and that sitting in the car won't bother me.

Ok, maybe that wasn't as gross as I thought this was going to be, but I can give you some more gross details if you want!

[*] (c)credit to [livejournal.com profile] lindseykuper, 2012

(no subject)

Date: 2012-02-15 05:42 am (UTC)
wild_irises: (Default)
From: [personal profile] wild_irises
Congratulations and here's hoping for a quick and easy recovery!

(no subject)

Date: 2012-02-15 12:33 pm (UTC)
pseudomonas: (Default)
From: [personal profile] pseudomonas
Phallicitations :)

Hope the recovery from the surgery is swift & uneventful.

(no subject)

Date: 2012-02-16 02:37 am (UTC)
lindseykuper: Photo of me outside. (Default)
From: [personal profile] lindseykuper
Don't you mean "Phallutations"?

(no subject)

Date: 2012-02-15 07:08 pm (UTC)
ranyart: (Garrus: awkward space boyfriend)
From: [personal profile] ranyart
Thanks for the update! I hope your healing process continues to go well and that you're happy with the end result. =)

(no subject)

Date: 2012-02-16 02:37 am (UTC)
lindseykuper: Photo of me outside. (Default)
From: [personal profile] lindseykuper
I contribute "Phallentine's Day" to the public domain.

(no subject)

Date: 2012-02-16 07:02 am (UTC)
bookherd: (Default)
From: [personal profile] bookherd
Congratulations on your new junk! And thanks for being so candid about the procedure. I really appreciate your generosity with information about topics you're invested in, and this one is no exception.


tim: Tim with short hair, smiling, wearing a black jacket over a white T-shirt (Default)
Tim Chevalier

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