I keep meaning to blog about church and the church ladies and stuff, but I just feel too gross and anxious tonight.
I keep meaning to blog about church and the church ladies and stuff, but I just feel too gross and anxious tonight.
The first thing you need to know is that the document uses its own jargon. Important here are the concepts of active and inactive participation - active participation is anything that you do within the community covered by a specific instance of the Code, inactive participation is anything that happens anywhere ever (ie, active participation is a subset of inactive participation). The restrictions based around active participation are broadly those that you'd expect in a very weak code of conduct - it's basically "Don't be mean", but with some quirks. The most significant is that there's a "Don't moralise" provision, which as written means saying "I think people who support slavery are bad" in a community setting is a violation of the code, but the description of discrimination means saying "I volunteer to mentor anybody from a minority background" could also result in any community member not from a minority background complaining that you've discriminated against them. It's just not very good.
Inactive participation is where things go badly wrong. If you engage in community or professional sabotage, or if you shame a member based on their behaviour inside the community, that's a violation. Community sabotage isn't defined and so basically allows a community to throw out whoever they want to. Professional sabotage means doing anything that can hurt a member's professional career. Shaming is saying anything negative about a member to a non-member if that information was obtained from within the community.
So, what does that mean? Here are some things that you are forbidden from doing:
- If a member says something racist at a conference, you are not permitted to tell anyone who is not a community member that this happened (shaming)
- If a member tries to assault you, you are not allowed to tell the police (shaming)
- If a member gives a horribly racist speech at another conference, you are not allowed to suggest that they shouldn't be allowed to speak at your event (professional sabotage)
- If a member of your community reports a violation and no action is taken, you are not allowed to warn other people outside the community that this is considered acceptable behaviour (community sabotage)
Now, clearly, some of these are unintentional - I don't think the authors of this policy would want to defend the idea that you can't report something to the police, and I'm sure they'd be willing to modify the document to permit this. But it's indicative of the mindset behind it. This policy has been written to protect people who are accused of doing something bad, not to protect people who have something bad done to them.
There are other examples of this. For instance, violations are not publicised unless the verdict is that they deserve banishment. If a member harasses another member but is merely given a warning, the victim is still not permitted to tell anyone else that this happened. The perpetrator is then free to repeat their behaviour in other communities, and the victim has to choose between either staying silent or warning them and risk being banished from the community for shaming.
If you're an abuser then this is perfect. You're in a position where your victims have to choose between their career (which will be harmed if they're unable to function in the community) and preventing the same thing from happening to others. Many will choose the former, which gives you far more freedom to continue abusing others. Which means that communities adopting the Fantasyland code will be more attractive to abusers, and become disproportionately populated by them.
I don't believe this is the intent, but it's an inevitable consequence of the priorities inherent in this code. No matter how many corner cases are cleaned up, if a code prevents you from saying bad things about people or communities it prevents people from being able to make informed choices about whether that community and its members are people they wish to associate with. When there are greater consequences to saying someone's racist than them being racist, you're fucking up badly.
- ( food )
- ( Also food. )
- ( Still food! )
- I am still chewing over last week's Elementary, and redemption arcs and chosen family and boundaries and necessities and narrative imperative in tension with multiple kinds of emotional satisfaction, and the things I find myself wanting -- superficially -- from the story, given points-of-view, and the odd and bittersweet relief at instead getting what I need. The murder plots make no sense, but then they mostly didn't ever; I am still very much here for the characters.
- My new CEA card arrived in the post yesterday, which means I will stop feeling faintly guilty about "wasting money" every time I go to the cinema. This is a Good Thing, given how much I'm looking forward to Hidden Figures.
- I'm having a really tough time writing an abstract this week, for a variety of reasons, but in the face of that I got a draft in more than 18 hours before the deadline that I was actually reasonably happy with, via the iterative-improvement approach to writing. It needs substantially rewriting, but I've demonstrated that my techniques work, and I've got reasonable confidence that the substatial rewriting wasn't in fact me wildly misinterpreting what was going on.
- I said no to someone, and it was fine. (And indeed several other someones, which was less fine but which left me feeling better than I would've if I'd stayed silent.) I told someone I'd screwed something up, face-to-face and more-or-less straight away rather than stewing for six hours over sending an e-mail, and it was fine. Both were really difficult, and I did them.
- I appear, via UCH, to have found a sustainable set of strength-building exercises to do that are resulting in measurable improvements. I'm dealing with a lot of complicated Feelings about this pretty well.
- Some stripy tulips were much reduced in the supermarket last week; they've been sat in a glass jar on the dining table slowly drying out and turning interesting shapes ever since, and they make me feel soothed and safe and at home.
- I am forever gently amused by the thing where, when A is around, we sleep under a single lightweight duvet and are frequently too warm. When he's away, I end up nesting in a pile of that duvet, my three-season much-larger covered-in-dinosaurs duvet, a weighted blanket, and a big soft non-allergenic stripy blue blanket -- and I end up comfortably warm, and with a lot of weight on me, and it's very nice to have occasionally.
What We Pretend We Can't See (131279 words) by gyzym
Fandom: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Neville Longbottom/Ginny Weasley
Seven years out from the war, Harry learns the hard truth of old history: it’s never quite as far behind you as you thought.
Heartwarming, funny, great unreliable narrator, touching.
I'm listening to some Decemberists and I listened to the most recent series of John Finnemore's Souvenir Programme with joy.
Just saw Get Out tonight -- I rarely see horror movies and it will take me a while to calm down from this one! Funny, scary, thought-provoking, good pacing. I feel justified in my decision to watch it and feel a renewed will to chase down and watch Keanu.
I've now seen the first episode of Jane the Virgin and am a bit miffed that I didn't hear earlier that it would be particularly appealing to Arrested Development fans; I intend to catch up, albeit slowly.
There are two that occupy adjacent spaces.
"As long as we both want it."
That's our time commitment. If both of us no longer want the relationship, it's time to work on dismantling it with the same consideration and love we put into constructing it. If so many as one of us no longer wants it, it's time to end it.
And as long as we both do want it, that means putting in the work. Being present. Taking care. Tackling the problems that pop up.
And there will be problems. But we don't have to face them alone anymore.
"Together. As we do with all things."
Even when we still have to do a specific part alone, the principle stays with us. The hard things are a little less hard with someone holding your hand.
The Bottle Boys make beautiful music using found instruments:
- Melodies from blowing across beer bottles (in 10-packs, carefully tuned) and
- Percussion from shaking pop bottles full of rocks and beating a large, empty carboy.
You can see the many instrumental pop songs they’ve covered at
Combine that with a quartet of three violin & a cello and you’ve got this video:
[description: All players are white, blond, male Danes. Additional melodies come from
- a glass harmonica of wine glasses, their rims excited by chopsticks, finger tips, and violin bows
- an alto pan pipe of test-tubes
- a tenor pan pipe of wine bottles
- a bass pan pipe of growlers
- inserting fingers in bottle neck and swiftly popping them
- hand slapping chest
- hands & chopsticks on the cello
- a wee plastic egg full of rice]
While talking with Jesse about how to *really* get at what I want to describe, rather than male gaze or female gaze, what we came up with was empathetic or empathizing gaze vs. Objectifying gaze.
I like accuracy of language, as you have probably figured out if you've known me a while.
You can divide any image into thirds. Your eye will fall onto the top third line or bottom third line of the frame. What sits on this line? Objectifying images often have breasts and hips of women at the top and bottom thirds. Empathethic gaze images will have the subject's eyes at the top third line (or sometimes the center or bottom third) of the image; the point is that you are focusing on their eyes and that encourages you to feel what they are feeling.
TJ and Amal (http://tjandamal.com/) is a good example of empathetic gaze in a comics medium.
Mad Max: Fury Road
Moonlight - notice the focus on eyes and hands in the trailer (https://youtu.be/9NJj12tJzqc)
Just a quick heads-up that, after a year off in 2017, the Croydon Fun Weekend will be back in 2018, running from Friday 26 January to Sunday 28 January.
I’ll provide more details closer to the time; but in the meantime, if you’re interested in helping to organise the weekend or in running any sessions, please let me know! For an idea of the sort of things that might be included, see programmes from previous years: 2014, 2015, 2016.
Usually instead of saying “I am turned on by that woman,” a man will say “that woman is hot.” The first phrasing places the locus of control within his own body (aka, in a way, making it “his fault” if he gets turned on), the second phrasing places the locus of control within the woman’s body (making it “her fault” if he gets turned on.)
This article explains rape culture. Men locate control of their sexual feelings in women instead of themselves because they feel ashamed. Wow. I've noticed the shame, but never understood it this clearly.
Although the annual Festivids discussion and commenting happen on Dreamwidth (mirrored on Livejournal, Tumblr, IRC and so forth), the vids themselves are posted in many places. In my brief experience, the most lasting is Festivids' own site.
For now, all the 2016 Festivids are here
and for the future, visit
The two highlights for me: ( A Better Son/Daughter and Get Better )
I’m having an email correspondence with a genealogist in Ireland. I’m looking to hire her to find records on my Holmes ancestors before they came to Canada. It’s been a slow conversation, with a number of delays, but I’m hoping that something will come of it.
But today we were talking about a particular part of the tree, and while looking at my records for that part of the tree, I realized that I’d failed to transcribe some data.
Here’s the story. I’ve mentioned before that the first of my family to come to Canada are Andrew and Susan (Susannah) Holmes, who emigrated here in 1845. I’ve also mentioned that Andrew died in quarantine at Grosse Île, Quebec. But they brought with them six of their seven children, who spread out and several of those kids end up in Lambton County, where I grew up.
So I’m interested in the one that stayed behind, Mary Ann Holmes, born around 1811. She was the oldest of the seven children and she was already married at the time the family moved to Canada (the second oldest, Margaret Holmes, was also married, but she brought her husband along to Canada with her). Some time before 1861, Mary Ann joined the rest of the family in Canada. Her husband, James Dowler, remained in Ireland. The author of Those Irish Holmes’ writes, “‘Tis said he loved the Emerald Isle, the thrill of its strife, and another woman.”
Mary Ann went to Lambton County and moved in with her brother, John Holmes and his wife, Mary Wilkinson. John and Mary only had one kid, but Mary Ann brought five with her. The youngest of those five might have been born in Canada, if the censuses are to be believed. If so, either Mary Ann was pregnant on the ride over, or James Dowler wasn’t the kid’s father. Or the censuses are wrong. This line of the family doesn’t have it easy. Mary Ann’s daughter, Ann Dowler, died in the London Insane Asylum. Her older brother, Thomas, might have also spent some time there.
Mirrored from Under the Beret.
"I don't count because I'm in a relationship." "I don't count because I've only ever kissed one girl." "I don't feel like I count in the queer community because I have a boyfriend." "I want to go to pride but people always scoff at me and my partner." "I'm not gay enough." "I'm not straight enough."
It's not something any of us bring up at the dinner table unprovoked, but I have heard it over and over again.
I'm not even an active activist and I'm already burnt out on this shit
It’s been a long time since I posted, but I’m trying to get going again so I’ll just dive right in.
It’s been a slow, cool summer. Tomatoes hardly ripening (just a few handfuls, mostly cherries) and I wonder whether I’ll have any to preserve this year? Despite the cool weather, things are slowly coming along including the corn my neighbour is growing for both of us (I’m responsible for pumpkins), enough zucchini (but not too much), and self-seeded greens starting to sprout. Thanks to the cool weather I also had a crop of mushrooms off a compost delivery, which quickly made it into several meals.
I set up a weighing station by the back door, inspired by hearing of a Melbourne acquaintance who grew 350kg of food on her 1/14th acre block, but I have to admit I’ve only weighed in a couple of kilos in these first two months of 2017.
- Corn in my neighbour’s backyard
- A cool summer
- Weighing station by the back door
- Pasta with pesto genovese, zucchini and mushrooms.
A friend left me a basketful of plums, which got made into plum mead. There’s a funny story involving condoms as airlocks – check my instagram. Just recently, I’ve been picking with a group who are starting a project called the Hidden Orchard, which aims to harvest fruit from unloved fruit trees in people’s backyards, as well as pruning and maintaining the trees throughout the year. I’ve also been picking elderberries, to make elderberry syrup and perhaps elderberry mead. I posted an elderberry recipe on my Tinyletter – check the archives.
- Plums and op shop books from Carla
- Elderberries don’t smell of anything, despite what Monty Python say
- Hidden Orchard harvest is donated to community groups
A month or so back I moved into the smallest bedroom of the house – really very small, just enough room for a single bed and a chest of drawers – just to see how I felt about it. Conclusion: I like being in a small room, like curling up in a nest, with nothing else in there but my personal effects. It is very important to keep it tidy, though, as there’s no room for a “floordrobe” or any other clutter to pile up.
I’ve also been making salves from calendula oil (calendula harvested and dried in spring, then infused in olive oil) and beeswax left over from candles. I made two kinds, one very thick that I use on my cracked heels, any small scratches, or even as a lip balm; the second is less waxy and I use it just as a general moisturiser.
- My nest
- Keeping things tidy, konmari style
- Calendula balms
- Visiting Jonai Farms’ happy pigs
- Touring Yonke’s property as part of the PDC
Finally, I’ve been out and about. A few weeks ago I paid a visit to my friends Tammi and Stuart at Jonai Farms, then on to Daylesford where I spent a great day with Patrick, Meg and Woody of Artist as Family. It was so interesting I didn’t even take any photos, but they gave me heaps of great info and reassurance about living car-free in smaller country towns, and they have a house that’s very similar in style to what I want! More recently I’ve been doing a Permaculture Design Course with the local permaculture guild, which means regular treks out to a friend’s farm where most of the course is held, plus additional site visits to other properties. Everywhere I go now, I think about how I’d get there by bike. Next month, I hope, I’ll have the opportunity to try it!