February 26, 2015
Early in the month I had a wonderful dinner with a former pastor, Linda, who I love dearly. I hadn’t talked with her for quite a number of years, so our meetup was long overdue. Linda is incredibly wise and insightful – and as an ENFJ she is an ideal counselor for someone like me. As we discussed my upcoming milestone birthday, which I had been resisting for a year and a half (see: The LovelyAngel at 59
), Linda asked me two different but related questions: 1) What is my vision for my next 10 years? 2) What is my heart’s desire?
I responded with a blank look, having no answer in my head for either question. Obviously I’d not given either issue an ounce of thought. In a way, that’s a little bit surprising, as I’ve usually had some
thoughts along these lines in the past. But it’s been quite a while.
That was three weeks ago, and I still haven’t set aside time to think about this. At the time, I told Linda that regarding my heart’s desire, I’m probably trending more Buddhist as I get older. In Buddhism, desire leads to suffering, so less (or no) desire is what one strives for. I’m not Buddhist, but I do try to temper my desires. Seems like it’s down to anime. (^_^) But anime is not my heart’s desire. And I suppose without a heart’s desire, I’ve stopped questing. Before my transition back in 2000 my heart’s desire was loud, clear – overwhelming, actually. And my life has been amazing since then. Perhaps once one gets her heart’s desire, then serenity is what naturally follows. I suppose then, that my current heart’s desire is continued and/or increased serenity.
As far as a vision for the next ten years – I have plans but no vision. My plan is to work until I’m 70 – hopefully where I’m currently employed. My plan is to improve my retirement finances, to pay off the house, to reduce monthly expenditures, and to continue to jettison unnecessary stuff
in the house. Plans and goals are not a vision, though. I don’t have any aspirations. I don’t have a picture as to how my next decade will be brighter or better than my most recent decade. I’ll have to give this more thought.
For all that I’ve griped about turning 60, the milestone is finally here without much problem or angst. Perhaps because I’ve had an amazing, surprising birthday… I don’t feel bad at all. The day has been in many ways energizing. Actually, my head is still spinning. I guess documentation of my birthday will have to wait until the weekend, as it’s late, and I’m tired – and I have to go to work tomorrow. At least I was able to do my traditional self-portrait.
When all is said and done, I start my next decade with high spirits, tempered optimism, and much gratitude. I just have to work on that vision thing.