Disclosure

Aug. 13th, 2009 09:59 am
tim: Tim with short hair, smiling, wearing a black jacket over a white T-shirt (Default)
[personal profile] tim
Inspired by Dan Savage's column this week:

(n.b. In the following, a "cissexual" person is a person whose internal sense of what sex their brain expects their body to be matches the sex they were assigned at birth. In all hypothetical situations, assume that no partners involved are interested in procreating. In all hypothetical situations, the question is whether the non-normative person has a moral obligation to their partner to reveal their non-normative characteristic before any sex occurs, rather than at some point in the relationship.)

Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 22


Do you think that a transsexual person who has completed genital surgery has the obligation to tell a sexual partner that they were born with genitals that appeared different from the ones they currently have?

View Answers

Yes
0 (0.0%)

No
21 (95.5%)

Maybe so
2 (9.1%)

Do you think that a cissexual man who was born with only one testicle and has a (cosmetic) testicular implant has the obligation to tell a sexual partner that they were born with genitals that appeared different from the ones they currently have?

View Answers

Yes
0 (0.0%)

No
22 (100.0%)

Maybe so
1 (4.5%)

Do you think that a person who was born with sexually ambiguous genitalia and had their genitals "corrected" to resemble the genitalia typical of one sex or the other has the obligation to tell their partner that they were born with genitals that appeared different from the ones they currently have?

View Answers

Yes
0 (0.0%)

No
22 (100.0%)

Maybe so
1 (4.5%)

Do you think that a cissexual woman who has had breast reduction surgery has the obligation to inform her partner that she once had breasts that appeared different from the breasts she currently has?

View Answers

Yes
0 (0.0%)

No
22 (100.0%)

Maybe so
1 (4.5%)

Do you think that a cissexual woman who underwent female genital mutilation while young and has had reconstructive surgery to correct it has an obligation to inform her partners that she once had genitals that appeared different from the ones she currently has?

View Answers

Yes
0 (0.0%)

No
22 (100.0%)

Maybe so
1 (4.5%)

Do you think that a person who has outward genitalia that are typical for a person of the gender they present as, but who is infertile due to a congenital condition, has the obligation to inform their partners that their reproductive capacity does not match that of a typical person of their gender?

View Answers

Yes
1 (4.5%)

No
19 (86.4%)

Maybe so
3 (13.6%)

Do you think that a person who was born with a cleft palate, but had it surgically corrected, has the obligation to inform their partners that they were born with a face that appeared different from the one they currently have?

View Answers

Yes
0 (0.0%)

No
22 (100.0%)

Maybe so
1 (4.5%)

(no subject)

Date: 2009-08-13 07:16 pm (UTC)
julian: Picture of Julian Street. (Default)
From: [personal profile] julian
I said both 'no' and 'maybe so' because while I don't think anyone has an obligation to tell anyone else anything, I do also think partners should feel it possible to share any number of things.

And particularly, they should share things that helped make them who they are today.

But I /really don't/ mean 'maybe so' in the way that Dan frelling Savage seems to mean it.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-08-13 07:54 pm (UTC)
juli: chornobyl power planet (fear)
From: [personal profile] juli
Why the hell did I look up the Savage Love post in question and read comments on it? What did I think I'd gain from it? Did I really want to see random assholes rehashing the same trivial and obvious points that were already done to death in my journal? There was someone there saying you should disclose anything that might cause the other person to say no! I needed that.
Edited Date: 2009-08-13 07:54 pm (UTC)

(no subject)

Date: 2009-08-13 07:58 pm (UTC)
juli: 21 Novinskiy (america)
From: [personal profile] juli
The asymmetry of consensus reality is no excuse for raping someone, Tim.
Edited Date: 2009-08-13 07:58 pm (UTC)

(no subject)

Date: 2009-08-14 09:28 pm (UTC)
juli: hill, guardrail, bright blue sky (Default)
From: [personal profile] juli
Did you see a certain Ms. A. James' comment on Savage Love?

(no subject)

Date: 2009-08-14 09:39 pm (UTC)
juli: hill, guardrail, bright blue sky (Default)
From: [personal profile] juli
That's what she's there for.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-08-14 07:22 pm (UTC)
tenacious_snail: (Default)
From: [personal profile] tenacious_snail
note: none of these things are an obligation before sex, though some of them are things I personally think are a good idea to disclose at some point, if one is having a capital R Relationship with the person.

Also, I used to disclose my breast reduction when it was more evident and had an impact on my likely sexual response. I think it is always a good idea to tell people that you're having sex with the information that they need in order to make sex fun for you. But again, that is only because I think sex should be fun, and it is silly not to maximize that. (So, therefore, some of the other things you mention, I'd say "no moral obligation, but a good idea to mention the impact on your sexual likes and wants and needs, it if, for you, this fact has such an impact. I only know about the impact that my surgery had on me, and know nothing about some of the other surgeries you've mentioned.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-08-14 09:03 pm (UTC)
eriktrips: a demon in the balance against piety (PhDemon)
From: [personal profile] eriktrips
I answered "maybe so" for the reproductive question as it might depend on the situation re: birth control, un/wanted children and reproductive choice. but mostly I'd expect that you'd know something about the other person's reproductive expectations going in, because they told you.

"I want to have your baby!"
"The science for that is not quite perfected. We'll have to wait."

(no subject)

Date: 2009-08-17 11:25 am (UTC)
naath: (Default)
From: [personal profile] naath
I think that if you're the sort of person who, for some reason, really cares about any of this then you ought to *ask* potential partners before shagging them; obviously you then take the risk there that they will be offended by the question and get to cope with that.

I'd expect discussions about children to happen at some point in a Relationship, both about the desire to have them (if present) and the physical possibility of having them (in order to have them, or in order to discuss how to avoid having them); but that's a bit past the first shag for many (although not all) people. Also you (generic you) don't have to say "I can't get pregnant, I'm trans" you could just say "I can't get pregnant for medical reasons"

If your genitals are currently unusual in some way or unusual relative to your gender presentation I reckon you get to choose between telling people first or letting them find out 'in play' (or never having sex); you get to deal with their reaction either way, and I think it's up to the individual to pick which they think will work best for them.

Profile

tim: Tim with short hair, smiling, wearing a black jacket over a white T-shirt (Default)
Tim Chevalier

November 2014

S M T W T F S
      1
23 4567 8
9101112 131415
1617 1819202122
23242526272829
30      

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags