A followup to this
So I wasn't going to post this at first, but then wild_irises
pointed out that holding it back for fear of being seen as self-absorbed is hardly in the spirit of Wishcraft
, and she's right, so here goes :)
I tried to combine everybody's positive comments about me into a single narrative, something that resembles the spirit of the original exercise in Barbara Sher's book ("ask a friend to say good things about you for 3 minutes.") So I combined comments that were similar to each other and grouped them roughly by topic. This includes all the comments from my Dreamwidth post, plus some from Facebook and one from an email. However, I've mashed things up enough that there shouldn't be anything there that's possible to trace back to one person (except for the ones that were made non-anonymously here on Dreamwidth, of course!) So, don't assume that a given sentence has the same author as the next one or the one before it, because there are a whole bunch of cases where that's not true.
You're willing to listen without assumption, and to act. You're loyal. I never feel like you're gonna bite my hand if you don't like my idea, and honest criticism is gold in ways that people don't always understand. You are a straightforward and trustworthy person. You are a very encouraging friend. When I didn’t want to live anymore, you wrote me a letter that touched me and made me cry. You sent me a book that is dear to me and you wished me solace. It makes me happy to know someone that I could confide & brainstorm with if I am having a real crisis or need some insight. (within certain realms, to be realistic) You happily met up with me and readily continued a friendship, even though we hadn’t been in contact for ages.
You have much warmth, kindness, and empathy. You care very deeply and so fiercely about so many important issues. You are aware of how other people see the world, and try to do the right thing. I believe you to be the kind of open minded person that in the heat of an argument, if proven wrong, would yell out apologies & correct yourself in the same heated tone you were slamming the ideas just minutes before........which is awesome. You are actively striving to be better and have the capacity to learn from your mistakes; you're also willing to make them in the first place. You continue to investigate your own biases deeply and refine your worldview and opinions as an adult, even as an adult over 30, motivated by wanting to treat other people better. You have great sensitivity to the suffering of others and your focus on other people is directly (rather than inversely) proportional with how much oppression they've suffered. There are people you’ll never know whose lives you have touched in a beautiful way. You are adding so much good not only to the lives of those you know and care about, but to all those people you will never know.
You also share your opinions and communicate well about them. I've learned a lot from you, particularly about privilege, and specifically in ways that I hope have made me able to treat people better, and/or that will make me able to potentially treat people better in the future. Your writing has led me to interesting questions and further exploration of topics like discrimination and intersectional feminism, which in turn has appreciably improved my understanding of the world. Your opinions sometimes seem outlandish at first, but often cause me to think long and hard. You make me challenge my assumptions. Specifically, you've made me realize that I tend to hide behind a belief that any progress is better than no progress on many fronts instead of actively working for change. It's an ugly truth but I'm glad you've helped me to realize it. You help me learn more and open my eyes to things I’d never thought about before.
You approach your life with both analytical distance and thoughtfulness. You think hard and deeply about topics many people shy away from, and speak frankly about your thoughts. Particularly, you confront difficult and complicated problems even if it would be easier to stay quiet; you don't shy away from conflict. You are an engaging writer with a lot of interesting things to say. I appreciate your precision. I like you because you speak your mind, but with respect for your reader; because you acknowledge complications and nuances while not adopting the cowardly option of either assuming all sides are all equally valid or that only one is. You are deeply engaged with social justice issues and are not afraid to take unpopular positions. You are a person of integrity and seriousness. I find your point of view consistently well thought out and understandable.
Specifically I enjoi the critical talk of cis, straight, white culture & queer, trans culture (when it warrants it), or even tech industry (aka bro-ding...get it? coding...bro....ah haaaa! you get it) You say interesting things about gender, including but not just how it affects your life. You pay attention to and amplify marginalized voices, particularly those of women and trans people. You "get" feminism and are outspoken on behalf of person who are not cis males, especially in computer science. I am always appreciative of your ability and willingness to advocate for others. You are strongly compassionate. I particularly like that you always consider children as human beings (and I'm curious what your parenting will look like in practice.) You care so much about people and non-humans too.
You come across as a knife with a neon nyan cat handle in subject matters you feel strongly about, all shiny, bright & happy "....but ...wait....oh god! ......I've been cut to size? but how???? " You have a low tolerance for bullshit, and the ability to cut through the bullshit and get right to the heart of the matter. You challenge empty rhetoric directly and do not tolerate even passive acquiescence to something you know is wrong. I have always admired your ability and bravery at times to tell it like it is. You are unapologetic about who you are and uncompromising about principles. That said, you're not abusive or threatening about it: you are critical while maintaining your ability to connect with others. You're fighting injustice and making this painful world a much better place.
You have always struck me as intimidatingly good. I say intimidatingly because it puts me in mind of something in one of Diane Duane's Young Wizards books: direct contact with the Powers that Be is actually a bit of a dangerous hobby for a human to get into, because the Powers are impatient with mere human flaws, including the flaws of their own vessels, and they tend to burn through whatever impurities they encounter.
That's what you try to do to obstacles between you and justice.
You are very clear about your goals and their status, but also flexible about them. You don't exploit others. You somehow maintain optimism about human nature, despite considerable evidence in your personal history for the opposite perspective. You're idealistic, but it's tempered by a hard-won jadedness, which I think contributes to your good and offbeat sense of humor. While you are a very serious person at heart, you are approachable and you don't shy away from enjoying life and relationships with others. You are very capable of relaxing and pursuing pleasure and leisure, without neglecting your convictions. You take responsibility for the things you enjoy. You are often fun to be around, and pleasantly talkative.
You are highly intelligent and apparently a very good coder. You enjoy learning and sharing what you've learned with others. I think the best thing about you (to me) is the fact that you're outspokenly more critical & well read than myself & I use that to my advantage to learn about or become more in depth with subject matter I wasn't aware of. You are enormously curious and eager to acquire knowledge and understanding, where understanding is more important than knowledge. You have a drive to get useful things done, which is far better for the world than a drive to get things done in general. I regret that you and I did not get to work together for the short time we worked at the same place.
You are responsible. When part of groups, you are good at identifying tasks for yourself and doing them correctly and consistently. You'll invent processes where there aren't any, and you'll improve them where there are some that need improvement.
You're fun when you're very horny.
Your beard is awesome. I dig your glasses.
Oh, and you let your kitties stay with us for a couple months and they brought us much joy.
~~~BONUS CAT POV~~~
Oh, and one more thing, Spotty and Spreckles telepathically communicated to me some good things about you, too. Don't ask me why they didn't tell you for themselves...ask them. Your kitties are strange... :)
Spotty - You happily pay for as many headphone wires as I chew up and still love me. You are fun to snuggle with. Oh, and you bring me my food!
Spreckles - I have never told you this and I should have. You gave me a really spiffy name*. And you make every day fun. You make me glad to be a cat. And you bring my food! If you bring me more food, I will say more good things about you! Right now, I need to nap! Sorry!
Thank you so much
to everyone who commented on my DW post, on Facebook, or in email. I'm not thanking you for having positive opinions about me, since I hardly think that my thanks will affect your opinions one way or the other :) Rather, I'm thanking you for writing them down, which is hard to do.